Rest and Study and Encourage Jessica-Laura's Fearlessness

I seriously considered after each day I taught this year that I probably would do better quitting, but each morning I was convinced I could make a difference. Easily one of the worst years in my life...even with sleep easing my harried thoughts.


 I need more distance from this school year. So, tomarrow I turn in my key and finalize my move to my new classroom and then I'll take three week breather and do anything, BUT think about teaching, my teacing, effective skill sets ALL teachers of ECE need. I just need to get away. So, I'll read about Providence, France and bake. I love baking. I'll help JL plan more complex suppers and we'll eat light meals for lunch. We'll shop for cooking materials and radical badass clothing that really fits JL.

I just need a break, and then I'll hone into my craft and rework the parts that failed this year. You know failure is tranformative experience either you adapt and overcome, or you quit. And, I don't quit- not if I think I have more to give. But...let my relax and not OVERTHINK this year. I must think "orange" and let this year go, and throw myself into other joys: reading, cooking and being with Jessica-Laura as she starts to become a full fledged person that dresses, cooks and lives fearless.

Today she shredded two tees. My God, what can she NOT do that is artistic? The cuts were even and just right in width. It was hilarious because she could not put on the last shirt without assistance- so many openings is confusing. I told her that she'd have to rise at 3AM in order to dress herself because with these new clothes they were so complex in design.


I remember when we were new to each other and she was just four months old. I was leaning down to scoop her up to love on her and her eyes were so old and wise. I was babbling some gooey stuff, and I caught my breath. I leaned in to see if it was reflection that had shown me a new look, but no it was Jessica-Laura. She was possibly 400 years old. I searched for words to match the studied look from her and all I could come up with was:

"What the hell?!"

Then in less than two seconds she was cooing and laughing and we were back to me- the adult caring for a helpless baby. But, for like two seconds I saw an old soul. And, I have always been aware that she is the one putting up with me- and not the other way around.

I abhor goobly-gook and pan religious morphing and psychological babbling. I've tasted all of these types of "worldviews", but honest...I think of the two of us JL is the ancient one. And, its my job to help that fearlessness come out that I saw for less than two seconds when she was four months old.

I think this summer will be her summer, and mine!